Reliving
the Near-Death Experience
My Second NDE
The excerpts below are from the book
we are writing.
I have to
say that I did change quite a bit in the ten years after my near death. The
gifts of acceptance, tolerance and truth helped me along the way. My human
ego had me believing that I was doing great. Well, that was going to change.
Ten years after the near death my wife and I had decided to attend a
spiritual retreat in Sedona, Arizona. What a great chance to go home to my
old stomping grounds. I would spend time with the group, but my real plan
was to spend time hiking up the old trails of my youth. I still loved to
hike. I had found hiking a great way to get in touch with my spiritual side.
I couldn’t wait to trek up to my favorite meditation and sacred spaces.
Excited at the prospect of returning to the actual location, we packed our
bags, flew to Arizona and met everyone at the motel.
I really enjoyed being with this group of folks. They were from all over the
world and of every religion but we all had a common purpose to grow
spiritually. So I decided I would join the group for morning meditation at
Bell Rock, but the afternoon was set aside for a trek.
The next
morning we all arrived at Bell Rock. We were told to find a quiet place so
that we can meditate for a short period of time and then we would gather
together. Great! I knew a nice secluded little place that felt just like a
grotto. So I just skedaddled up to it and, feeling very comfortable, I
settled in like a bird in his nest. It was shaded by some mesquite and I had
my back towards the red rock. I thought I was just going to meditate. I used
some of the techniques that those grandmothers had taught me so long ago to
find my sacred space.
I usually find myself sitting on a plateau looking at the valley of my
youth. This is the site I was looking forward to visiting again in Arizona,
but this space is always within me. Once there I sit open eyed and just look
across the valley. While doing this, my breathing becomes rhythmic like a
drum. I synchronize it with my heart beat, with Mother Nature. That is
usually when my guide would approach and stand behind or beside me. He would
show me a scene that played out in the valley or offer me the wisdom I
needed.
In my grotto on Bell Rock, I went into a deep meditation very quickly. As I
was moving toward my sacred space within myself, there was this calm and
loving voice that was very familiar. It told me to “Go
into the light”. Spirit was talking. Not just a projected insight or
guide, Spirit WAS TALKING.
I had been meditating on and off since I was 14, and I have never heard a
voice talking to me like that. You hear your own mind chatter and you just
allow that to dissolve away, but I had never heard anything like this. It
was more than just hearing. It was feeling, knowing and hearing. It was a
voice that reverberated through my being. The same voice that told me it was
time to return during my Near-Death Experience.
Before this, I had never thought of trying to return to the light or even to
touch the light in meditation. I assumed, “That is God’s light, the
universal all and not a place for me a mortal man.”
Instead of going into my sacred space, I found myself back in the ocean,
having already breathed in salt water and in the process of dying and
entering the dark void. I then re-experienced the entire near-death
scenario. All of the repressed issues from my death came screaming out of my
subconscious. Only this time I'm reliving it, forced to see all I had
suppressed. I had stumbled across that box and I had kicked it open, the “do
not touch” box that I had stuffed way back in my mind. I am back in that
light. I am back in that love. I am back in that compassion. I had actually
become a little prideful in my three gifts, but I had forgotten the basis of
it all. The whole near-death experience came flooding back again. I relived
the pain of death and the greater pain of returning to my body.
One really hard part for me was returning back to the light and meeting my
soul group again. I was the type of guy that was in control most of the
time. But, when I went into the light or even so much as touched the light
my emotions rocketed out of control. The incredible longing to be with my
soul group, my family, racked me into uncontrollable sobbing. The
overpowering feelings of unconditional love and comfort made me as weak as a
rag doll. It would not stop. I had no way to control it.
In the first experience, I perceived my soul group sending me love, welcome
and support en masse. I had kept my focus on the original three that greeted
me. I believe it was due to them being closest. I didn’t have as clear a
view of the other nine beings. I was in awe and a little numb. I was a
little more accepting this second time. In this second experience, being
less in awe, I was able to perceive a more personal greeting. I felt a more
individual love and welcoming from each being. Each had its individual
flavor and essence. Light beings are very beautiful, stunning and powerful.
I believe I was captivated by that in the first experience.
This time around, I could also see myself a little clearer. I could see that
I was like the light beings. I saw a strength within my light that I don’t
carry within me in this life. I think that strength comes from the
unbelievable amount of love that I experienced. When I touch the light now,
it reconfirms that strength giving me a little boost to continue putting one
step in front of the other.
The life reviews, in my experiences, are extremely important and a big thing
to me. Both times, in the NDE itself and in the reliving of the near-death
experience, it is what changed my life the most. It was “the big bonk on the
head” that I had to keep getting in this lifetime to change my life’s
direction to where I needed to go. The loving non judgmental support during
the reviews gave me the tools to change my life. This second time I was able
to see more detail because I wasn’t so awed by the experience. This allowed
me to take in more. Ten years earlier, when I first experienced my life
review, I had become confused when I was shown events in my life that had
not taken place yet. Now I had lived an additional ten more years and had
actually experienced those events. Since I had more clarity, I was actually
able to see more of the ripples and effects of my actions.
Many of the life review moments focused on my interaction with others. Not
only did I re-experience my side of the interaction, but I also experienced
how my actions affected the other person. If I was hurtful to that person, I
felt the hurt they experienced and saw how they carried it with them. I also
saw how my loving intention played forward. I was even shown how my actions
affected their future reactions.
This second life review included the past ten years. From this new vantage
point, I was able to see the changes I had effected within myself by
utilizing my three gifts of acceptance, tolerance and truth.
I saw how I had grown and changed after the first experience because I had
ten more years of living. In those years, I had consciously attempted to
work on myself and make myself a better person. I watched the results of
living in a more consciously loving manner. Yet, I still had a lot of room
for improvement. But, like in the first experience, I received no judgment
and a total feeling of unconditional love and acceptance.
Once again, I experienced my interconnection with everything else in life. I
relived my actions and how they touched others through that interconnection.
At the same time I saw how my actions caused new actions that then expanded
beyond my environment. We give off an energy which reflects our emotional
and mental state. Because of our interconnectedness, this energy exchange is
actually a form of unconscious communication that is perceived on a soul
level. I saw this more in the second review as actual slivers of light that
connects us with each other. The more erratic your mind and emotions are,
the more erratic energetic message you are sending. Also, the level of
passion directly correlates with the intensity of the signal or message. It
didn’t matter whether the passion was love or hate. The slivers were
brighter and stronger when the passion level rose. I saw that if we could
learn to discipline our mind, these interconnected communications would be
less inconsistent. How we interact with others is much more important than
what we perceive as our great accomplishments in life.
Another lesson I received about interconnection is that this interconnection
runs between us and the greater All or Divine Consciousness as well as
between individuals. Like in the first experience, through the
interconnectedness, I had a greater knowledge and understanding of anything
I focused upon.
It felt as thought the purpose of reliving this was to remind me of all that
I had tried to push away ten years ago.
One of the revelations besides the new experiences in the life review was
the acceptance of God’s Light. The first time, I couldn’t face it. In the
first experience, accepting god’s light was simply too much for me. I didn’t
feel as if I was worthy to experience that light of love. This acceptance of
the light and love was one of the biggest elements that I had suppressed 10
years earlier. But, after 10 years of working with acceptance, tolerance and
truth, I gained the tools needed to accept the experience of God’s love and
light.
I also realized that within that light was the all knowing or universal
consciousness. In some philosophies, they call it the Universal Mind. In the
light, I connected to a loving consciousness that is all knowing and I had
access to any information that I needed.
My Spirit was singing with gladness to be in the loving joy of the light,
but at the same time my human side knew I was on the earth. I relived my
near death in its entirety, but instead of coming back into my body in the
water, I found myself sitting on Bell Rock. At least I didn’t have to make
that swim again!
Coming out of the meditation, I was shaking, soaked in sweat and tears. You
would think I was in the ocean. I tried to stand up and return to the group
but instead I wandered a bit to try to compose myself. (got to be in
control, ya know) The experience and the light were still with me and my
heart was wide open as I slowly gathered my strength. I stumbled my way down
Bell Rock, moving back to where the group was gathering. There I ran across
Richard. He was smiling, yet when he saw me he looked concerned. I think he
saw the stress that I was under. I felt like I had to try to say something,
to communicate. I tried to explain what I had just experienced, but I was
pretty nervous. Richard had known Tom Sawyer, another Near-Death
Experiencer, (and yes, that is his real name), and had heard Tom’s accounts
first hand. This gave Richard a vocabulary and he calmly put a name to my
experience. He told me I had a Near Death Experience. “There is a name for
this?” “There are others that have gone through this?”
His acceptance was such a relief. It gave my mind some peace knowing that my
experience wasn’t such a strange thing. He really helped me to calm down. We
were a short distance from the group but everyone left us alone. They could
probably tell there was some kind of counseling going on.
My newly named experience would not leave me alone. For three days I kept
reliving it. Some times it would just be the death. Another time it was the
light or the soul group and next time maybe a part of the life review. I
kept getting pushed back into that place where I was half here in my
physical presence and half there in my light body. The experience was at the
forefront of my thought process. Anytime my thought would linger on a part
of my NDE, I would literally relive that part of my Near Death again. My
emotions were so elevated and incredibly intense that I would experience the
full range of emotions at any moment. I tried not think about the NDE and
forced my mind to think about the beauty of the red rocks, the feel of the
sun on my face or the warm breeze blowing across the mesquite trees. That
would just bring up something else that would take me back into the Light
again.
The most wonderful thing, and also the most disconcerting, was the fact that
I now could hear Spirit, one-on-one. It was a warm, resonating voice within
my being. “Oh boy, I don't know about this”. Spirit was now talking to me as
I kept reliving my near-death experience. To say I was having trouble
getting used to this new form of communication was an understatement.
I didn't get to go hiking. I had all these plans. It was terrible, no it
wasn't terrible, it was wonderful. But, it was also frightening, emotional
and draining. There wasn't much sleep during those three days because I
couldn't shut it off. I was worried that I finally went over the edge and
that they were going to put me away in an institution. I thought, “This is
really NOT GOOD, I cannot live this way.”
I spent a good deal of time alone. I needed to be away from the others. My
first wife, although concerned, was unable to deal with or be around me
while I was experiencing the NDEs. She didn't know what to do, we were just
too close. She had a difficult time handling it because I was changing
before her eyes. She was able to discuss my situation with the leaders of
our group. They understood my situation and advised her to give me time and
space. This allowed me to be comfortable with not participating in every
activity.
Not knowing me allowed Richard to listen without any baggage. He was able to
help me by just allowing me to get it out and let it happen. He doesn't even
know how much of a help he was. Hey, he'll get to see it in his life review.
Then he’ll know all the ripples that he caused. Richard helped me to put
words to the experience. Checking in with me a couple times, he was a great
help. It was empowering to have such a receptive audience in Richard, since
I didn’t receive that the first time. Having a vocabulary helped my mind
start to look at the experience and evaluate it more. As I popped in and out
of the light, over the next three days, I was more quizzical and accepting
of it. I kept trying to gain a better understanding and feeling of the
experience. The small, positive seed that Richard planted helped me through
those next days and continued to grow over the years. It allows me to
communicate more openly about the experience and not keep it all locked up
inside.
By the end of the third day I started to get it. Sometimes Spirit has to hit
me very hard. The initial thee gifts I had been working with kicked in and I
began to accept the entire near death experience. I needed a ten-year buffer
before I could accept that I had been in God’s hands. I could return to the
light if I wanted. And if I just listened, Spirit would speak to me. I also
learned you can live your life with an open heart and listen through your
heart instead of your mind
Not only is having your heart wide open a physical experience, where you can
actually feel an ache in the heart area, it is also an emotional experience.
When you have been in the light, your heart expands and you are so much more
aware of that interconnected communication. It resonates on a soul level,
stimulating our emotions. Information doesn’t enter through the mind to get
filtered. It comes in big clumps and your emotions have to deal with the
full impact of that information.
One of the things that comes through is the unconditional love that you
receive and feel for everything around you. Your mind can conceptualize it
into a limited idea, but when that reality comes through the heart and is
experienced directly, it overwhelms the emotions. I believe this is why
experiencer’s need to integrate their experience a little at a time.
Otherwise all the emotion and interconnectedness becomes overwhelming. If we
allow ourselves to touch the light a little at a time, we become more
accustomed to it and it is a little less overpowering each time. I stress
that allowing the intensity of all that comes with the Light to not overcome
our ability to cope is a long process. I can’t say I was ready at that time
to face the light again. I see now that my own fears had blocked me from
learning all this the first time. Ten years before, I was not ready to
accept all of it.
I was eventually able to rejoin the group and group activities. We were
finally able to take some wonderful hikes. I wanted to revisit one of my
sacred meditations spots. A small group of us made our way there to
meditate. One of the hikers, Lou, and I separated for a little bit during
our mediation and afterwards we shared. In our sharing we discovered that
our meditations were interwoven with each others. It left us with the
feeling that we had been brothers in some past life together. It was with
the sharing that I could sense that exchange of energy and
interconnectedness between us. That moment was a conscious reminder of the
unconscious, energetic communication and interconnectedness I experienced in
my NDE happens in life as well.
During another meditation that day, I saw one of the guides that always used
to be with me as a youth. This was the first time I “saw” him face to face.
I’ve always perceived him behind me. When I felt his powerful spirit, I
assumed he was this big and powerful being. But when I saw him, he was this
small old gray haired Indian. He still emanated that raw, steel like resolve
and presence, feeling very solid and immovable. His essence is so much
bigger than his physical being. He is Grandfather Mountain, small in size,
but not in presence.
All the pieces of the puzzle came together. Not long before our Sedona trip,
I had been to a Native American Seer who told me that I was going to meet my
guide on a deeper, more personal level. Grandfather, standing face to face
with me, was a confirmation. The seer also spoke to me of the fact that one
of my most important life paths was communication. Now that I could hear
Spirit, directly, Spirit confirmed this as well.
I suddenly understood that communication didn’t mean that I had to be
talking to a large audience communicating a lesson of light. When in my
spiritual truth and center, interconnection allows a deeper bond to form
than with just talking. I could communicate just as well one on one and
touch people more profoundly. I saw this happen with the small group I took
to my sacred place. We turned a hike into an intensely bonding spiritual
journey. I enjoyed sharing this sacred space from my teenage years. The seed
for my quiet ministry was planted on that day. This incredible spiritual
growth had left me with a compulsion to change my life. At the same time
Spirit was indicating, “Time for change is coming”.
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this web site without expressed written permission from Dave Bennett. ©
2006:David Bennett
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