My philosophy as a young adult was simple, enjoy life, learn how to survive and cut your swath in life to get were you want to be.  This philosophy served me well and I became a chief engineer and a commercial deep sea diver on a research vessel.  What a great life's work, and travel around the world, meet new people and cultures.  Now I know that was the perfect place for me to be because my spirit likes to watch & listen to other spirits.  (Later in life I was given a spirit name in a sweat lodge because I continued to practice those traits).  That job taught me what my physical limits were and I would always push the limits of my endurance.  I logged thousands of hours diving underwater and had my share of close calls to the point that when my life was threatened a cool sense of calm would come over me.  I was an adrenalin junky.  I loved the thrill of putting my life on the line.  I loved more the adventure of life.

Recently I've come to understand the changes in how I love, since my near death experience.  Before my experience I would have a love for someone just like a husband for a wife or girlfriend for a boyfriend.  I would love my friends and there would be a role or expectation that was a part of the love. Love had a possessive quality to it like a child's natural love for their mother and the mother's love for the child.  Children love their mothers who care and feed them and the mothers need to protect and care for the children and their happiness as part of their role and expectations.  At the time I thought my love was unconditional but I now see how I had an expectation or a role that I needed returned from my lover.  This worked well if my love or lover had the same ideas and expectations.  When the ideas differ that's when suffering will start, feeling that the love isn't working.  It's not funny but I have to laugh about our worrying on how to "fix" the broken love.  When and how could love ever be broken?  Only this type of possessive love can be thought of as broken because the expectations of our humanness is not being fulfilled in our minds eye.

In my near death I learned that everything is part of the light, love and compassion yet we still can identify with others and our self within the light. When I returned from death I understood the interconnection we have to everyone and everything in our universe.  There is a interdependence we have for each other so it is our human nature to need love and to give love. Once this interconnection is felt one cannot help but know compassion for everyone.  A true caring for the outcome of every path whether it's positive or negative, regardless of race or background.  There is more patience, understanding and tolerance of every situation that is experienced.  With this, love becomes more a state of being instead of being directed toward others or an other.  It is a large part of oneself and you become a part of the love and flow with it.  In relationships this is sometimes misunderstood because roles and expectations are not attached.  The integration of this knowing after returning is easy for some and is incredibly hard for others. But once it is integrated you can begin to open your heart and keep it open all the time projecting love and compassion.

It's not enough to pray or be meditating about oneself or wish for a better life or outcome.  That is just being materialistic and self centered.  A poor person who has very little and is just surviving but lives their life with an extraordinary feeling of compassion for all the troubled people in the world is someone that has opened their heart.  We sometimes let our focus on material things get in the way of opening our hearts and living in a state of love and compassion.  Remember not all spiritual men and women wear robes or live a monastic life.  A balance of enough materialism to support your spiritual side is a way to a healthy and happy life.  I still love the adventure of life only now I can watch with a new understanding.